Redefine Retirement
Episode 004
TRANSCRIPT
Hello, and welcome to Plan for Wonder!
I’m the talking head, Crystal, founder of myLife Planners.
I’m back after visiting my parents down in the southern tip of Texas for what was supposed to be ten days, which was abbreviated by an extra day of travel. If there is anything I have learned over the years, nothing is guaranteed when it comes to air travel.
In fact, I was going to just find a quiet corner at the Dallas airport during my 5-hour layover, but my plans were hiccuped by an unexpected terminal change which required me to pack up quickly and grab the Skytrain to make my flight home.
So, if there is anything I am learning about travel, it is that wallowing in annoyance is a drag. Instead, I choose to spin it and look for the unexpected experiences that colour life.
So when I first made plans to visit my parents, it was with the intention of being a 70th birthday present for my mom. So it was more of a double-duty trip, adding some extra joy to her days since she has been recovering from an ankle injury since she arrived a couple of months back in their gated community.
I don’t know where you are at in your life cycle, but I have survived the parenting years with my two girls and found my headspace freed just in time to have my parents on top of my mind. They would never see themselves needing support, and I don’t think anyone ever really does until you are smack dab in the middle of it like my mom found herself.
She was enjoying a quick nap after unpacking, and a friend popped by, ringing the doorbell. In perfect mom fashion, she was jarred awake and rushed to answer the door, not noticing the VERY heavy metal coffee table. Her foot caught on, and she fell, noticing her foot flopping unnaturally around. Yeah, she snapped her ankle.
First of all, a Pilates teacher client of mine had just recently shared how falling is the biggest factor in reducing a senior’s life expectancy, which came to mind as she called and told us about it a day later.
So all my parent's plans for their winter season in Texas have been waylaid by emergency room visits, figuring out the chaotic American health system, confusing insurance requirements, and, yeah, healing her injury.
My dad found himself in the caregiver position, and my mom was the one needing support. Needless to say, this is the opposite of who each of they are as humans.
I love my dad. He’s a no-nonsense basic needs person who just wants to make little improvements around him and enjoy what life has to offer as he reaches 74 years of age. I have to say, while on a road trip with Mom yesterday, she talked about how dedicated he has been to her, and it even now makes me feel veklempt.
Then there is my mom. She has been as self-sufficient as they come. In my small little family, we now call anyone who can’t seem to sit still ‘being a baba’ after my mom. She is not only used to doing everything herself, but patience has never been a virtue of hers.
We had some good talks while I was around. After a few days of living around my parents, I started to get a sense of their dynamic. My dad is tired. It shows, and anyone would feel the same way after being a caregiver 24/7 and managing the day-to-day house management, cooking, cleaning, shopping, and anything else.
My mom feels guilty. Which I have, from day one, been reminding her not to. Life is in seasons, and this time around, it’s her turn to be cared for, which has been a challenge for her. She boots around the small trailer home in her wheelchair, one-legged, trying to do and be the same person she was before. She is tired of not being physically able to live her life her way. And I don’t blame her at all. Once again, anyone would feel the same way.
She is stubborn and still assumes she should be as efficient and quick as she was before the accident. So I could hear her grunting and exasperating frustration as she rushed, as much as she could, from one task to the next. What boggles my mind is this woman is RETIRED! Any obligations she has are dates with friends, activities to join, and simply to breathe.
Why am I sharing all of this with you today?
Have you found yourself caught up in rushing from one minute to the next, never really sitting still and always thinking of what is next? Well, I think my mom has something to teach you.
Not only don’t fall prey to a similar surprise accident out be your awakening trigger to slow down, but look at your life now. Whether after a day at your desk, managing kids, or caring for your loved ones, do you feel like you’ve run a marathon? But the reality is you feel more like a hamster in its wheel.
Even worse, are you already thinking of the next thing to tackle before you have even completed the thing you are currently working on?
So here’s the thing. Like I said, my mom is retired and still has this productivity mindset driving her to keep moving. It’s a symptom of the culture we have all been raised with. A good person is a productive person. But here is the thing: a productive person can also be a not-so-great person. So it just doesn’t ring true.
We are three weeks into January since the trending topics about goals and what we will accomplish in our lives have taken centre stage.
Maybe this is a chance for us to dig deeper and think further into our own futures.
I don’t know about you, but I’d like to take each next chapter in subtle stages, so I don’t find myself rushing from one goalpost to the next, unaware of what is right in front of me. I want to enjoy the time I have on this planet with my friends, loved ones and especially the wonderful other people I meet along the way.
I seem to keep coming back to a meaning in life focused on others who I see are important, and if that is the case, then I am a person who matters. So don’t lose sight of your own value; when you think of the buckets in your life, your own self-care is one of them. In order to be there for others, you need to be well physically, mentally, and emotionally.
So why don’t we all look at our lives strategically by incorporating micro does of ‘retirement’ throughout our days?
We learn from those around us. And for me, I have learned so much from my parents. Did they have all the answers? Hell no. No one does. But more importantly, it’s missteps along the way that we learn from as well. Sorry, Mom, that little pun was unintended, but you have to admit it was kismet.
The next time you find yourself taking a needed rest, don’t let someone else’s ‘emergency’ become yours. Open your eyes, look around you, get a lay of your options, and then get up and answer the door. If you matter, the person will still be there waiting for you.
