Toxic FOMO
Episode 011
SCRIPT
Welcome to the Plan for Wonder Podcast. I’m Crystal, the talking head, founder, and creator of myLife Planners dot CA.
This week’s episode was waylaid by me tucked into bed for over 36 hours, working through some kind of low energy and a gut that was and is still not very happy. So my weekend was spent in bed with my laptop, re-watching The Witcher series on Netflix before I cancel my subscription next week, and one to two cats napped next to me.
While curling up, I considered working on this script but pushed against that ‘should’ urge. I knew and know in my gut - even when it was unhappy - that anything I attempted would lacklustre quality. And you, dear listener, will benefit more from a mind that isn’t tired and struggling for clarity.
I started thinking about this week’s topic a couple of weeks ago after I had two prospective client meetings. The topic is FOMO, the fear of missing out, and how it can be TOXIC to one’s state of being.
Both meetings offered amazing projects, and in Crystal fashion, my internal need to jump in and say yes didn’t hold back. I know that doesn’t sound like a problem, in fact, it sounds glorious and yes, I am very appreciative for these and all opportunities that come knocking. But.. and this is the big issue I run into. I find I’m always leaning into saying ‘yes’ even when I’m aware that I’m not only pushing the limits on my capacity but overcommitting. I touched on this in the podcast, “Pace Your Life,” and I began wondering why is that I am driven to always say yes first.
So, FOMO was the obvious answer. My internalized fear of missing out can be linked to an internalized lack of value, so I should be grateful for anything offered my way. The science says that feeling a sense of belonging and community is ingrained in us biologically because it is integral to survival. So, this biological holdover from our past triggers a physical fight-or-flight response. So, for myself, this innate urge to say yes to what is offered is triggered by my own low levels of self-esteem. Tack on the energy of the feast and famine cycle of a self-employed creative, and whamo, I push myself into offering more than what I have a capacity for.
Being self-employed is a practice in hustle. There is no guarantee of the next client or project. Everyone’s experience is unique, so for some, they may be organized and have a marketing strategy that builds a consistent flow of opportunities and sales. But for those of us who don’t work that way, it’s a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants strategy.
But there is a danger in this strategy, it is possible to have so many irons in the fire that the fear of missing out on a good opportunity can put you in a situation of overwhelm that becomes toxic.
Being in a constant state of FOMO has physical symptoms similar to anxiety, such as:
stomach tension and nausea
headaches
body aches and pains
heart palpitations and increased heart rate
feelings of emotional distress.
And holy shit balls - this list is exactly what kept me in bed all weekend. I am in the middle of a TOXIC FOMO shitstorm.
So what’s next?
Well, I obviously do not have all the answers, but I do have a sense to research and learn from experts. So, I have three tactics I’m going to dig into:
Acknowledge my feelings, and set limits and boundaries. This will require me to be more intentional with my work schedule and improve my project management workflow. So when an opportunity or request comes in, I pause first and reflect before answering. And for me, a big fear is not just saying no, but even worse, saying when I will do the work. That means a client and prospect must value my skills and insights.
Reduce the number of choices to make. For me personally, I know it’s not just about my business opportunities or personal relationships, it’s the new global social awareness we are inundated with every minute of everyday. I have put myself out there in the community, working with political campaigns and a few social initiatives. Learning about the intricacies and knowing how things work to make it feel like it’s doable for me to engage and be part of making positive changes. But… it has also added to the number of choices I need to make with my time and attention. Pushing me past what my capacity is. I’ve been aware of this for a while, so I have been doing an inventory of engagements and paring things down so I do volunteer I don’t feel like I have to choose between too many good options. I am one person. I have one life. I need to do better and be more strategic with what I use my powers for.
This brings me to work on improving my sense of self-value. I’ve been raised to be humble and don’t ask for more than I need. It, of course, is tied to systemic patriarchy, so I’m not even gonna suggest a quick hack on this one. But what I can do is support those that support me. Both personally and professionally. That means getting a bruised ego from those who don’t value me but eventually will make it easier to recognize the opportunities that don’t align with where I want to go.
And with that, my friend, thank you so much for listening to me ramble on about Toxic FOMO.
The space you take up in the world matters, not just to me, but even more importantly, if you need reminding, you matter the most in your own life.
