Do or Do Not

So, yesterday did not go as I had planned.

What was the plan? Something along the lines of catching up on the never-ending list of things on my plate.

What did I do instead?

I grabbed a new plate and filled it with puzzling, gaming, and curling up in a ball of angst and pain, all thanks to the realities of my personal menopausal transition.

My menopausal experience is going on six years, and if the inconsistent frequency and heaviness of each cycle is a sign, I have at least a year or more. The joys of this phase, experiencing all the symptoms without any of the menstrual flushing, feel like a joke on me, and I’m not laughing.

So, I’m starting a new day with energy and an open space to find my creative workflow. My daughter picked me up some daytime CBD to manage any more potential aches and anxiety so I can focus.

Embracing the message in Tricia Hardy’s book, Rest is Resistance, has been a game changer for my psyche. Lifting the weight of expectations off my shoulders and providing my own permission for grace.

But, I realized this morning that part of who I am is a doer. I have an inner desire to show up and contribute. Yes, it is likely socially constructed, as I was raised in the 80s when hustle culture was born, but I appreciate the joy it brings me.

So, as I sit inside my tiny corner office with the window wide open and the sun rising, I want to embrace the doer in me so I can be kind to the tomorrow me. I have a long list of client projects needing my attention as well as tasks for the non-profit I volunteer for, and never to be forgotten, our home that benefits from some TLC such as laundry, cleaning, and another dinner to cook to nourish my family.

So, acknowledging the ‘rest’ I embraced yesterday, today I am inviting my old friend, a multi-tasker, to spur me along and help me find homes for some balls and pick up those that have been dropped.

And though it is a lot - I am doing all of this not for others’ expectations but for myself. As I shared yesterday, self-care requires effort, and today, I plan to take advantage of my energy and free time.